Fly Away Home

This year in Sedona has been so powerful for me, so challenging, so magical and mysterious.  I am literally breathless by her beauty and in awe of her intensity.  Sedona the siren, calls you in with her song, takes her into her womb.  Once safe inside, you let your guard down, and then she gets inside your very being, entangles herself in your DNA.  Her song demands, “WAKE UP YOU POWERFUL BEING!”  She tears away the false self and burns through the layers of old karma.  She asks, “Who are you now, in this present moment?  Why are you incarnated in this life in this form in this world, and what are you here to do now in this vital time of Transformation?”  The heat and pressure builds within the vessel of alchemical rebirth, she initiates a conversion in the truest of senses.  Lead into gold, water into wine, inspiration, compassion, surrender, intention…

She told me that it’s time to begin preparations to go home.  Synchronicity abounds once again, and I am also warned not to try to control the process.  The message gets echoed many times from many sources.  A soul sister reminded me this week not to over-engineer the situation, instead just let it happen.  Another dear friend/teacher said that we are in the river and have the choice to swim upstream or go with the flow–  Either way, we will get where we are going.  How much energy and work do we expend trying to make something happen, or do we relax, take a deep breath, and Know, Trust, and Allow?  I realize that there is no disparity between what I want on the deepest level and what the Universe wants for me and that I am fully supported.  Alignment combined with faith is a wonderful foundation for the new phase of my life to unfold in miraculous ways!  May we all believe that it is possible to manifest our sacred visions in this life and always!

Vernal Equinox Meditation

Happy Spring to my soul family!

Today, on the Vernal Equinox, when the day and night are equal, I offer on the altar some guidelines for experiencing this energetic shift to its full potential in your life. (This is sourced from Ted Andrews and supplemented by me.)

- ‘initiate a new order within your life.’ This statement has many layers, and thus levels of opportunity to delve into the meaning for you individually and holographically.

- ‘burning out the old so that the new seeds have room to sprout and be given new expression.’ What new endeavors or ways of being have you been incubating over the winter? What stands in the way of that manifesting and what could be released to the funeral pyre now?

- ‘the veil between the physical and spiritual is thinned, easing opportunities to access and invoke dynamic spiritual energies into one’s life.’ How do you contact the spiritual realm now? For guidance? Healing? Taking advantage of this time to build rapport with your guides and helpers will support your continued process.

- ‘accelerate one’s own initiation, or to open new patterns for it throughout the rest of the spring.’ This is a time of quickening, couched in the larger collective quickening we are within.

- ‘making things new in all areas of your life.’ What does it mean to make new? Refresh, revitalize? How does this specifically show up in your own life?

- ‘the inner temples are more accessible so that the secrets of life can be more deeply attuned to.’ This sacred time of deep inner listening, allowing you to connect to Source/Telos.

- ‘awakening new teachers upon the Earth plane.’ How is the inner Teacher speaking through you? Every moment can be an awakening for all involved, now is the time to show up in your Wisdom aspect and hold the Light of consciousness for the collective.

Thank you for taking a moment to explore this sacred time with me. Many blessings to you on your inner journeys of clearing and creation!  ♥

Judgment or Discernment?

Today I had a dream where an entity entered my room and I wanted it to identify itself, so that I could decide whether it was welcome or not.  But, try with all my might, I found myself unable to speak.  My lips would move, and although I was screaming on the inside, no sound would come out.  I felt completely powerless, and despite the deep intention I had to make a decision for myself and my own well-being, I was unable to.  When I awoke, I decided to explore this voicelesness, this disempowered feeling.  What I found in the wisdom of my unconscious was not what I expected.

Of course, there was fear behind the paralysis of my voice reminiscent of the deer frozen in headlights.  Yet, I realized it was not actually fear for my safety from this unidentified entity, but instead it was fear that it may think I was being judgmental in my asking.  When I continued to meditate upon this, it resonated so deeply, that I wanted to share what I discovered.  It seems the most disempowering place is to not be able to exercise discernment due to the fear of judgment of oneself and others.

To define these concepts separately is to realize that they are not mutually exclusive, nor do they really coexist on the same plane.  I purport that judgment is a lower octave of discernment, meaning that as the spirit evolves, then the natural ability of discernment blossoms out of its more basic function of the binary nature and primacy of the split into duality of good/evil.  Judgment is a method to fill the fundamental need for survival.

In Jungian terms, judgment is an expression of the Shadow, meaning that it is an unconscious drive for the need of protection that gets fulfilled in a way that does not support the highest manifestation of the being that exercises it.  This also leads to projection, the externalizing of one’s own fears of inadequacy.  So, the bringing of the light of consciousness to our own internal process and desire to feel safe will transform this shadow form into a powerful tool for self-care as well as empathy.

On this evolutionary journey out of judgment into discernment, we find that discernment is more of a taxis, a movement toward or away from something without placing a valuation upon it,

Discernment (Fr. Prediliction) – is the twelfth sense, which enables you to avoid all things antipathetic and to encounter everything sympathetic. This sense results in the evolution of Intuition.

– From the Tradition Cosmique:, transl. by Oscar Laurens Schrover

It is akin to changing the phrase “that is bad” to “that is not appropriate for me, so I will make a conscious choice to not involve myself in that direction”.  Exercising this mode of honoring of oneself as well as others with the light of conscious awareness will then grow into a deep knowing of what is inherently in alignment.  This intuitive capacity can be understood as the higher octave of instinct, as discernment is to judgment.

So, today I take back my voice and exercise the right to decide what is appropriate and in alignment for me without backsliding into dualistic valuation, and I challenge you to do the same.

Attempt at Expressing the Ineffable

My relationship with the Divine is as essential as I am to myself and to all things.  It is in me, it is me, and it cannot be separated from me, just as we are all connected from this shared Source.  It is not a Being out there somewhere, but a flowing breath and energy of life itself…  I AM THAT.  I am also paradoxically and simultaneously living out my life within the realm of natural law, and this sacred dance between unitive and multiplicative and the subtle and manifest is where I live/work/play.  Every being has the right to worship their concept of God in their own unique way, and only the laws of nature can dictate the karmic results, not any one of us can judge one another.

My spirituality is rich and deep, and constantly evolving in step with my consciousness.  I feel every moment and every act can be a prayer or meditation, depending on how present you are and with what intention you come to the action.  The practice of selfless service, seva, which is compassion in action is key to transformation (more on this in future entries).  As I wrote last time, sangha or come-unity is also a vital component on the Path.  When people gather together to pray, God is present.  He/She works in mysterious ways and miracles happen.

Our job as humans on a spiritual path and spirits on a human path is to flow in that place between intent and surrender.  This place where action and reception both find expression, in a sacred space where Grace and Volition meet, this is a Hieros Gamos.  We are all on complex and interrelated journeys that are holographic in nature.  My path is one of Chirotic Initiation, collective processing, and the Hierophant, and my intention is to act in all things with Love, and to receive that same precious resource in return… or more accurately, as Rumi clarifies,

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

Jalal ad-Dīn Muhammad Rumi

Come-Unity

Today I wish to explore the concept of community, sangha, because I see how vital it is for me in my life.  It is like breath, like blood, a way to mirror myself and be seen.  To me, it is not a way to separate in an “us vs. them” structure, but instead it is an opportunity to widen our horizons, and share our gifts.  When we hoarde oursleves, staying in scarcity and perceived isolation, we deprive those our lives may touch of our beautiful selves as unique and sacred manifestions of the Divine.

I wonder if this has come up for me so strongly now as I try to find my new Sedona context.  Having left the comforts of familial, friendship, and business communities in the Bay Area, and trusting the process enough to take the leap of faith into the Unknown, I find myself longing to be a part of something.  I long to connect, in joy and sorrow, success and struggles, to be there for and with others in healing connection.  To work in Union with others for the benefit of the larger Whole, at which ever level of the Holographic Universe you prefer!  My  intention is to gather together and celebrate life.

One of my most inspiring teachers, Brian Swimme, reconnects us to the Big Picture of Come-Unity.  He is a renowned cosmologist and sacred storyteller, remything via reinstilling the Sacred into the scientific evolutionary process.  (His books include The Universe is a Green Dragon, The Universe Story, and The Hidden Heart of the Cosmos.  His video series on YouTube is amazing, I highly recommend it.)  He poignantly reminds us all that we are the Universe having evolved to be able to experience itself after billions of years, and it is our responsibility as well as our gift to honor this process that we are in, and to reconnect to the community of which we are each sacred and necessary parts.

One way to identify the significance of what is taking place is to say that science is entering its wisdom phase…  We are challenged here with understanding the significance of the human enterprise within an evolving universe.  Upon our success in meeting this challenge rests the vitality of so much of the Earth Community…”

(The Hidden Heart of the Cosmos, pp. 3)

From the shared vibrations of subatomic particles as we cross from energy to matter, to the community of cells that make up our bodies, to the beings with whom we gather– our families, friends, institutions, cultures, and as humanity itself on this Gaian jewel in our galaxy…  We are all connected, and I invite each of you to enter come-unity with me.

Authenticity & Empowerment

How much energy do we expend trying to be something we are not, or to try to please others, ultimately at our own expense?  Imagine this like a wound, the intensity of which is directly proportional to the distance we diverge from our true self.  Blood, which Rudolf Steiner would call the will, being offered to another or others whilst we lay struggling for life upon the cold hard ground?  The defense mechanisms working around the clock, no overtime pay, to justify and rationalize us into whatever condition we find ourselves that limits our magnificence.  In the words of Marianne Williamson, from her book A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles,

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

So today I challenge you to look deep inside and see the glow of you, your power shining in your core like every magnificent star in the Universe burns brightly and offers life-sustaining heat and light.  Don’t hide your authentic self, let it be an offering on the altar of the Universe, for you are exactly as you are meant to be and have chosen to be.  Blessings upon the path to Rememberance of your True, Whole Self!

(Dis)Integration: Losing It, Part II

I gasp for air today, head finally above the turbulent waters.  The first part of my process, which I wrote about in my last entry, focused mainly on dissociating from the egoic structures, in a neutral and non-attached way.  In theory this is fantastic but the felt sense is one of desperation and fear.  I did feel in awe in the beginning, as if I was embodying my own Witness, simply watching the process and enjoying the freedom that possibility engendered.  Yet, this week was one of subtle detoxification:  The aftermath of this process, to continue releasing the bondage to concepts/thoughts/beliefs as well as the associated emotions.  Better out than in, right?

This week for me was a re-entering deeply into my former patterns of thought and emotion as part of the cleansing process.  I do not feel I was re-traumatized but simply that it was necessary to allow these parts to arise and fully accept them, not deny or suppress them any longer.  This may be the only way to really release them- first through acceptance and then the letting go.  Is this what forgiveness is?  I know it is through the Grace of Sedona and the Universe as a whole that I have been able to move through these difficult patterns.  I know they go even more deeply, (the onion layers), and there’s probably more to come, but this last layer was very intense, and I am so happy to be taking the day off!

I was trying to think of an analogy to better describe how I felt amidst the barrage of Old Story content and feeling, and a scene from Into the Wild came to mind.  No, nothing as blatant as freeing myself from social constraints or anything, but an image more grotesque and powerful–  remember the Moose?  Well, I was the Moose, on the micro level, being disintegrated by the gnawing of maggots through my very flesh, then on the macro level, the flesh being torn from my rotting carcass by ravaging wild wolves.  So, for my Plutophilic readers, hope that was fun, and for those with weak stomachs, I suggest you fast forward that scene in the film then.  (And I’m a vegetarian, so including this in my blog was a struggle already, but I could not think of a more apt description, so be it.)

It’s like I went through a psychospiritual Herxheimer Reaction, which is the body’s inflammatory response to detoxification and the flu-like symptoms, fatigue, and other feelings of dis-ease or exacerbation of imbalances that arise from it.  Yet, this detox illness can be a necessary part of the process.  It can be managed to an extent, if the detox can be slowed down and the body’s own defenses can catch up with removing the toxins that are released during the death of the parasites.  Once again, I think it’s about trusting the process.  If the body wants to detox quickly and intensely, the Herxheimer Reaction is to be expected and compensated for.  Suffice to say I feel blessed that I could go through the depth of detoxification that I experienced over this week and take the time and rest it took to compensate for my own mental and emotional “Herxheimer Reaction”.  Thank you to all of you out there who held and continue to hold space for me, literally or energetically, through my continuing evolution.

Losing It to Find YourSelf

The last few weeks have been an opportunity for me (who/whatever that is) to diverge from the sunny after school special fluffy bunny and rainbow posts about guidance and faith to enter into a more Plutonic gray area, for those of you with an affinity for the death/rebirth process.  The me that I thought I was is slowly falling apart, or more accurately seems to become more transparent and irrelevant the more I bear witness to it.  It’s like that Weezer song,

“If you want to destroy my sweater (woah oh oh), hold this thread as I walk away (as I walk away).  Watch me unravel, I’ll soon I’ll be naked.  Lying on the floor (lying on the floor), I’ve come undone.”

Speaking of coming undone, I just read Christopher S. Hyatt’s book Undoing Yourself with Energized Meditation and Other Devices.  A must-read for anyone who thinks it might be possible that we are more than our socialized constructs/egoic structures.  Truly, when we take all the stories away, and we look at what’s left, who are we?  Not in a nihilistic way, simply to say who is behind the persona?  When we remove the masks we wear, the Self that remains is more solid and definable than all the contrivances we create to assuage our own fears.  I say go for it.  Let go.  What do you have to lose but yourself… and you have everything to gain.

Vortices and Synchronicity

I shall continue to unearth the layers of sediments and sentiments that brought me to this sacred land, as you sit back and reflect upon your path to see if any of these words resonate or inspire transformation in your own life.  Taking the Leap was at first an extremely difficult and frightening possibility.  Then, I began to see rays of light, and that shimmering hope gave me just enough breathing room to begin to experience with awe and joy the many communications from the Universe affirming the road that was unfurling in front of me.  Numinous occurrences such as the ones I will describe shortly are said to display synchronicity, a term that Carl Jung coined.  Not merely coincidental, instead a meaningful pattern or relationship of events suggests a larger underlying structure.  Jung scholar Dr. Roderick Main illuminates this concept beautifully in his 2004 publication The Rupture of Time:

“Synchronicity suggests that there are uncaused events, that matter has a psychic aspect, that the psyche can relativise time and space, and that there may be a dimension of objective meaning accessible to but not created by humans…  If there is a dimension of objective meaning, this implies that the meaning we experience is not always or entirely our subjective creation… but that we may be woven into an order of meaning that transcends our human perspective.”

I could just stop there and I would consider this a worthy transmission in and of itself, but I might as well describe my synchronous events to you!  First, my friend, upon hearing for the very first time of my then upcoming scouting trip to Red Rock Country, told me excitedly, “Oh my, you will never believe where I am going next week!”   Of course it was Sedona.  Then, one of my clients left the Center after a lovely but sad appointment when I shared my news of my impending relocation, but he returned about an half hour later with a book in his hands.  He held it out to me, and said, “I was just at the library used book sale after our session, and obviously this one is for you.”  He slowly handed me the blue book with frayed edges.  I read it and almost began to cry.  “Thank you so much!”, I responded, holding back tears.  The book is The Glorious Seasons of Sedona, by Bob and Suzanne Clemenz.

Allow me to share a few more to leave every one of you as speechless as I was and still am to this day.  While I was in Sedona for a long weekend, searching for a nice little place to call home, I attended a symposium at the Creative Life Center, and all three of the speakers were examples of synchronicity for me.  (Must have been a transit that weekend!)  The first presentation, Dr. Jaap van Etten, PhD a renowned Metaphysical Ecologist who has studied the Sedona energy lines and vortices for many years, spoke of sacred geometry and ancient wisdom,  and the placement of Sedona directly on the overlap of the heart chakra of the earth and the lung meridian.  The center I co-founded is called Metta Wellness Center, and it integrated TCM and Ayurvedic wisdom, as well as more subtle, Earth based practices.  Metta is a Pali word that means loving-kindness.

The next speaker was Rabbi Gabriel Cousens, M.D., and he spoke eloquently and fervently of the need for transformation in the nutrition of humanity for the future of this planet.  Why this is a synchronicity is because there was a book on my desk at Metta, that I had just previously began reading, called Spiritual Nutrition, and yes, you got it, the author is none other than the Rabbi himself!  Finally, but possibly the most powerful one for me was the last presentation of that symposium, the Pachamama Alliance.  This dynamic group introduced us to their powerful message of building awareness of the need to realign our worldview to that of unity in diversity and honoring of the Earth.  Their work began with the indigenous tribes of the Amazon and efforts to preserve their ways and land, while supporting their process of growth, and evolved into an intensive Western consciousness expansion program.  In the video were clips of some of my professors and fellow alumni from my Master’s Program in PCC at CIIS  (for more information, see link at the right).  So, while I was sitting here in Sedona, my past was revivified and great teachers from my soon-to-be former home in the Bay Area, those who inspired me in my path of healing and expansion from years before, were there in front of me blessing my next phase of life.

Sweet reader, pay attention to the synchronous events the Universe presents to you.  Do not be so quick to brush them off as random.  Know that the Universe wants to speak to us, and loves to help guide our Path.  Our Inner Wisdom, our intuition, our Spirit Self is in constant communication with this underlying structure, and it is not difficult to attune to the vibration of this station–  Your very own channel on the radio of the Universe.  So, take a deep breath, ask for guidance, turn down the other noise, and start listening.  What you experience from this place of deep silence and openness will amaze you as it has me.  So, as the synchronicity continues on a daily basis for me out here in the vortex hub of Red Rock Country, I wish you many blessings on the Path to Communion and Communication with the Universe.

Trusting the Process

This has been my mantra for years, and only now do I really believe that I am scratching the surface of its meaning.  We are in a time of streamlining and reestablishing our priorities. This has and will continue to be a trying time for many, but it is surely a time of faith-building as well.  In order to really get a good feel for the concept of Trusting the Process, we have to understand that surrender is a key component.  We all love to be in control, our egos make it safe for us this way.  But, in the end, how often do things go the way we plan when we do this?  More often, when we finally give up and cry out, “Fine, you do it!” to our concept of Universal Love and Wisdom, however that shows up for each of us, the Mystery unfolds and offers us gifts beyond which we could ever imagine, and opportunities come to us in ways we could not have previously envisioned.

Here’s my story.  So, I write to you today from Sedona, AZ.  Last week, I lived in California.  I was a small business owner… and let me tell you I mean small.  It diminished over these last few years and became unsustainable.  Although I loved my work and my friends and family were such a great support through the process, I knew this phase was coming to an end for me.  I had a tremendous amount of debt and I had no idea what the next step was.  Then one night, while I was horribly sick with the flu after the holidays, I received a vision.  A dream of the next step– Spirit calling me to Sedona.  I saw the gorgeous Red Rocks, and felt the energy of the place so vividly that I could hardly contain my excitement.  Then the anxiety hit.  How in the heck would I make this move?  What about my business?  What would I do out there?  Would I go alone?  All of these questions and more bombarded me for months.  I was depressed and paralyzed with fear.  Now, do you think that was the Universe’s intention when giving me guidance?  Obviously not.  Instead of Trusting the process, I tried to figure it out, and do it myself.  It didn’t work out well.  But you are here now, you say.  True, so let me continue.

In March, we visited Sedona.  Just like Esalen, I could feel her as we approached.  (Anyone who has been either place knows what I’m sayin’!)  She felt womblike in her embrace.  Earth and fire, ancient wisdom… she spoke directly to me and said yes, you belong here and I am affirming that for you now.  I knew I must walk the path alone.  Still, I did not know how this adventure would unfold, but I know so strongly and deeply in my soul and in every cell of my body that it was going to be.  I was called to Sedona.  And I answered the call.  There were so many signs and messages that guided me along the way, but I might save that part of the story for the next post called “Vortices and Synchronicity”.

I would like to leave you with an image to meditate upon if you are struggling or ever do struggle with surrendering and trusting the process.  Do you remember in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, when Indy has to take the Leap from the Lion’s Head?  To prove his worth, meaning to surrender completely in faith that the structure of your Path is there even if you can’t see it, he put his hand on his heart, took a deep breath, and stepped off the cliff.  And, as the camera pans to the side, we see the invisible stone bridge was there all along.  Then, he threw pebbles across the bridge, so those who follow him could find their way.  May I be those pebbles to you out there.